By Winifred Bulus
Nigerian men have expressed dismay over domestic brutaliztion against women in the country.
They noted that rather than show compassion to survivors of domestic abuse, society stigmatized them and perceived them as weak, unfortunate and object of pity.
Fear of being judged by family has become a factor that prevent survivors from coming forth to speak about their predicament.
The idea that domestic abuse if not properly handled by a family, which does not need outside interference becomes archaic and inhumane.
Speaking with AFRICA PRIME NEWS, Daniel Stephen, a Nigerian said, “Domestic abuse is incriminating, reckless, and against the law. Persecution of abusers is needful. As much as some women are still the facilitators of why they are being beaten, nothing justifies hitting a woman.
“It is not a family matter that should be kept a secret or endured. Consequence of keeping up with domestic abuse goes beyond the physical; the emotional and psychological wellbeing of the victim can be affected greatly and can also have an alarming effect on the offspring.
“The society has little room for those who have journeyed through the darkens of domestic abuse or are still in the process. This is because there is not enough awareness and orientation circulated about it.
“The orientation of this topic, if well networked, will afford peasant rural dwellers the initiative of knowing the evil behind this and how to curb it, leading to complete demise.
He expressed the wrongful idea harboured by some women who feel being beaten was a way of chastisement by a spouse.
“Some women even enjoy beating as a way of making up when they default, ” He said.
Another Nigerian, Haruna Ibrahim, said, “Women can help protect or prevent some of the cases of abuse. That is not to say I justify domestic abuse. Truth is there are sceneries where silence can help prevent a violent reaction from a man.
“Again, women can be cautious of getting into heated arguments with men who have hit them or shown violence in the past. Similarly, getting into an argument with a stranger can put you in unpleasant condition of getting disrespected. Sensible men walk away in the midst of heated arguments with a woman: sadly, not all men are sensible.
“This will save them the tragedy of getting hit as the case may be. Some men are irresponsible and have no control in terms of being violent. Women should not give a chance to be abused by such men who are looking for the opportunity to get violent.”
To Haske Bobai, “A man can only hit a woman when she is trying to kill him or if she hits him first. Except in that situation, there is no point in a man being violent to his partner. Men react differently in situations, while some would hit back, others would just walk away.
“Stigmatization of survivors of domestic abuse is unfair especially in the cases of sexual abuse. Society should refrain from judging or looking down on them because they are only ‘victims’. You cannot blame someone who was helpless in a situation.”
Esther Gandu explained, “Some of the abuse can be avoided if women pay attention to early signs of violence in a man during courtship. Walking away from such relations will save you a lot of damage in the future.
“I believe a man who is above forty years of age is not likely to change his behaviour in the future. At that age, there is no going back on good and bad habits that have already been formed. If violence is intertwined in his personality, you have to deal with it for the rest of your life.”
Anne Francis, a Nigerian woman, spoke on learned hopefulness adopted by some women, exemplifying the women’s loss of control in the abuse and totally surrendering to the tragedy. She referred to it as false hope and wishful thinking that a man would change from the monstrous behaviour.
“Some women are too tolerating. Thinking their silence will attract sympathy from the abusive spouse. Some have lost their lives in the process of waiting,” She explained.