Remi Tinubu, Bamise And Osinachi: Will Nigerian Women Ever Be Safe From Abuse? By Shiloh Akinyemi

It seems that in the midst of anguish and gnashing of teeth, Kemi Olunloyo, a blogger who cares less about emotions while plying her trade for profit, constantly enjoys choosing a perspective that not only tramples upon the grave of the dead but also burdens family and friends (#FrankEdwards in this case) of the deceased for the rest of their lives. She claims Frank Edwards has been sleeping with the late gifted gospel singer, Evangelist Osinachi Nwachukwu.

Olunloyo, as we all know, will always add her own twist to every story. Look at the case of #Justice4SylvesterOromoni (Oromoni was the schoolboy who died after alleged brutalisation by his schoolmates) for example. After reading her twist to the story, I couldn’t help but wonder if she had lost her empathy as a mother in Sylvester’s case (and her identity as a woman in Nwachukwu’s case)? Or, like Nigeria male barbie, Bobrisky, is she also on a mind confusion adventure?

Hearing about the death of the gifted singer was a shocker but the alleged cause of her death wasn’t in the least surprising. I see everywhere on social media that almost everyone has an opinion to share—ranging from the late singer being stuck in an abusive marriage to the role of the church in keeping her in the abusive union.

It constantly amazes me how people of the world are quick to point fingers at the church, someone must be blamed and, obviously, it should be the church. Now had the scenario been different and Osinachi opted for a separation or a divorce, these people would still have taken to social media to talk about how Christian marriages are a sham. Recently, these social media armies applauded self confessed Area father of Nigerian Entertainment Charly Boy, who has been married for 40 years, while denigrating Pastor Chris Okotie and Pastor Chris Oyakilome.

But Charly is “better” than the Church and the world in that there is no hypocrisy in him. On his 40th wedding anniversary, he had this to say, “My 40-year-old marriage has been a living hell many times!” Keep in mind that the Church in itself is not the building but humans who are committed to serving Christ. Perhaps, speaking out like Charlie may be all that is needed to have better marriages, for secrecy oftentimes is the strength of abusers.

Now the best these humans can do is to offer advice and guidance. In the end, the decision is ours to make. Christ gave us the power of choice, which after 2,000 years is still constant. We can only wonder why Osinachi decided to stay in the marriage but the sad truth remains she had a choice and she made her decision.

Now the ones who love her are left to deal with the pain of the choices she made.

But since the world needs something to talk about, let’s look at the rate of abuse and how much of a norm it has become.

Remember Bamise? The beautiful young lady who was abused then brutally murdered in by a BRT bus driver?

Ooh, you think it’s just a coincidence? How about our very famous Remi Tinubu? Mother of modern Lagos like her political fans will yell! In July 2016, Senator Dino Melaye stood on the grounds of the hallowed Red Chambers of the National Assembly to insult her, using vulgar words I’d rather not write for the sake of my readers who are minors.

Well, you all thought Remi deserved it. And hailed your ‘abuser’ in the Senate for a job well done! That day, the dignity of the Nigerian woman, wife and mother was caricatured before the watching world. For whatever reason, the world didn’t deem it fit for Melaye to apologise to a woman. Days after, he marched on Bourdillon with pride to trample on the consciences of a nation that wouldn’t stand up for its women. Oh, you felt it was for Asiwaju to defend his wife? No! Nigerians own the Senate where Remi was verbally and emotionally abused and not her husband. We failed Remi, Bamise and now Osinachi!

The truth is every woman in Nigeria is open to abuse, especially from the male gender and we have been told countless times to stay put and deal with it.

They are men, they would flex muscles. We are women, we should be understanding. Don’t provoke your husband. Don’t argue with a male colleague, you should rather learn from them.

Growing up, my younger brother used to hit me a lot. I obviously didn’t have his physical strength, so I was no match for him. My late mom, God bless her soul, couldn’t do much other than shout at him and tell me how he was a “man” (boy though) and I shouldn’t “look for trouble.”

My Dad travelled a lot back then, so by the time he came home, the news was old and he would just have a talk with my brother. But I remember the last time my brother hit me. It was after our mom’s demise. We had an argument as usual and he used his fist. My dad came home that night and after I recounted the day’s experience, he dealt with my brother. I don’t know what he did but the magic worked.

I am a believer in the institution of marriage as exampled by Christ in His love for His church, an advocate for gender equality and freedom for women in the context of the scripture, but I have come to realise that while we encourage women to fight for their freedom, our desired results will not be achieved without the support of amazing men who are modelling Christ like my father, who have just the right magic wand to give male chauvinists a brain reset.

Akinyemi writes under the pen name Shilly Pepper and can be reached via akinshiloh1@gmail.com